So today has been a bit like this.....

my alarm went off at 7:15, i snoozed it till 8am!!!!!...........SSSHHHHHHIIITTTTT!!!!!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE AT HALF PAST!!!!!

I run downstairs in my dressing gown and begin throwing cereal into bowls whilst yelling "GET YOUR UNIFORM ON!!!" and "WHY IS THE TV ON!!!" AND "QUICK, WE ARE LATE!! WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 10MINS!!!!!"

The kids start eating.......far.......too......slowly........

im trying to wiggle into flip flops wipe henry's mouth and do pollys hair while she's still eating.......its not going well........

COATS ON ITS HALF PAST!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!

no!!!!!! why has henry got undressed!!!!!!!! yes because he hates me, God hates me, the world and its elements are conspiring against me!!!!!!...........AHHHHH DESPAIR!!!!!!!!

I re-dress Henry while trying to push stan out the front door. We make it to the pavement VICTORY!!!!!!.

and the Bin men come down the road..........SSHSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!!!!!
So im chasing the bin men, praying the bottom of my too full sack doesn't split while Henry decides he cant possibly hold a hand today and walk to school without screaming, sobbing and having to be dragged there.

We finally make it to school and home.....ahhh I can calm down now as i start to put washing on the line and re-load the machine. But, Wait, my brief moment of harmony is interrupted by a shrieking in agony Henry!!
He is weeing, and its clearly excruciating. So i call the Drs surgery and a small miracle happens.

"bring him down in an hour, and Dr will see him" says the nice receptionist. Im not making this up!!!! Yes, that actually happened in Medway at 10am!!!!!

I now have an hr to get Henry to pee again!!! I ply him with drinks and strip him from the waist down. I then proceed to use my most favoured parenting tactic of bribery......."Henry, if you wee in this Tupperware pot for mummy. I will give you some special sweeties and a drink of cola"...........yeah, yeah,yeah judge me all you want. The chances of him succeeding are pretty much nil!!

I spend 30mins following my naked toddler with a small plastic pot when yes, you've guessed it. He poo's on my floor!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh no time to stress thou, wee always follows poo!!! right?

WRONG!!!!!!

we have 15 mins of him sat on a potty with his willy in a pot whilst im singing every nursery rhyme known to man........even a made up one about pissing in a pot!!!!!!!!

I give up.........lets get a nappy on and go to the Dr.

and, yes, you've guessed it.........he pee's on the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im now a grown woman on the verge of tears, scooping urine into Tupperware pot with a teaspoon!!!!!!!!

The rest of the day followed exactly the same course. I forgot to re-stock the nursery bag. So Henry came home in 'big boy pants' and pissed all over the car!!!!!!!

I went out and cut the grass.......so Henry ate 6 yoghurt's and 2 bananas, leaving the mush and peel all over my lounge.

I cooked dinner without putting TV on........So polly got every piece of craft equipment we own out in the dining room.

and I thought I would be nice and let them watch a DVD in bed (also due to the above could not be arsed with a bedtime story!!!!).........so after the film Polly has an hour long tantrum about getting in her bed.

today is definitely done!!!! lets see what fun we can have tomorrow!

Home from Home

so do we actually ever really grow up and leave home?

I've been to visit my mum this weekend, and it got me pondering the above question. I am a 28yr old divorcee, mother of three. (there that sounds very grown up!! doesn't it) I have been a Motorist for the past decade!!! (Christ that does sound grown up!!) I left school and got my first full-time job TEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!!! I have lived abroad and travelled to 3 different continents.

To look at me you would think (I hope) responsible adult.

Then I walk into my mothers house and I am transformed to a whiney 15yr old..............

let me explain. Here is my usual 'hi mum i'm home' routine.

I let myself in (something I don't do anywhere else but the home I live in full-time with my children)
we all dump our shoes and coats on the floor in the hallway and go up.
I check the fridge..... I have no idea why, i'm not hungry, I just like to look and at this point I may say something like......"why are there no yougarts!!!! URGH!!!"   (would I do this in any other house where I am not the bill payer? no, of course I wouldn't)

I then go through and say Hi to my mum (or just slump in a chair and look in her general direction) the kids have already trashed her lounge and got an army of toys strewn over the floor and cartoons on the tv.

It was at this point this weekend, I announced (not asked) that I was going up for a shower as mine has broken and I didn't fancy a bath last night. I leave her with my three little nightmares demanding drinks and crisps and just helping themselves to the fruit bowl. Again, they would not behave this way in anyone else's house.....But its nanny's house so its OK. Its generally accepted they live here too, as do I.

When I come down from my shower, I find them all watching Pirates of the Caribbean. Now I don't know about your house. But, We cant watch a film without some running debate about it going on.

I ask "which one is this?"
"its the first one"
"no its not its the third one"
"no, its the one with black beard in"
everyone else in unison "SHUT UP!!! ITS NOT!!"
"look, its the one with the flying Dutchman in, that's the third one!!"
"NO ITS NOT"

and so on, and on. No one bothers to check the TV guide to find out because then what would we talk through the entire film about?

mum feeds us all, and clears up. I bath the kids and put them in pjs from the stash of clothes my mum keeps at her house for them and then we drive Home. To our real home where I pay the bills!!

I generally pitch up at mums house about twice a week if not more. I never tell her i'm coming really, as it doesn't matter if she's in or not.

Will I ever feel that it is no longer my home? That I actually moved out 9yrs ago and do in fact live elsewhere?

I hope not!!!!!